I has a mad.

Crazy kind of mad. I come from a family with a varied history of conditions, so I have spent my adult life on the lookout for telltale signs of teh crazies, and working out what to do when they start creeping up on me.

The latest bout has knocked me for 6, and taken my family with it. Seems the old adage really is true, "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy". So I am working on getting stronger, not only for my own self, but so that I can be the mum that my kids need and deserve.

Strategies that are working so far include spinning yarn and riding my bike. Spinning is very meditative, very tactile, and once I get into my groove, not very cerebral. I can just draft and treadle, draft and treadle, and either tune out of everything for a little bit, or join in conversations and my kids playing. I am slowly working down my fibre stash (I swear, it grew while I wasn't watching!) and at the end I get yarn. A win win win win situation if ever I saw one.

My bike is my new baby. I got it for my birthday a few weeks ago. My darling man bought it for me, and I am mostly glad that he just bought it without consulting me, since I can't decide on anything at the moment and colour choices, hybrid/mountain/road bike pros and cons might well have finished me off. A little bit of me would have liked to choose though.

All of a sudden the bikes that must always have been there are getting my close attention as I drive the zillions of kilometres I drive every week getting to and from and to and from school. Some of them have spanky looking panniers, some have bike trailers, some have wire baskets on the front (which look pretty appealing to me, ack am I getting Old and Practical?), lights, special seats, gear gear gear! So far, my bike has mods of a rack at the back for a baby seat, and a water bottle holder that holds my Sigg bottle very well without scratching it. I just bought some lights so that if I need to go for a sanity ride I am not limited by the time if day.

Toddler girl loves going on the bike with me, but when I ride without her I like to take the seat off so I can pretend like I don't have to drive/ride a Mummy type vehicle All The Time. The baby seat sits really close to my seat, so wearing a back pack is not great, so next on my list is a pannier, if I can use it on the rack at the same time as the baby seat. Taking toddler girl with me means also taking snacks, extra water, a nappy, wet bag, and a sling of some kind.

We went for a "you should really go for a bike ride now before it gets too hot [and before the shouting gets totally out of control*]" ride this morning, and I took Toddler Girl, but not a spare nappy, snack or carrier. Bah bow. Bad move. I am not doing that again. It was a good ride though, my muscles hurt in a good way. Who knows, I might even ride myself sane and svelte in time for my sister's wedding in March. Somehow I think that the sane and the svelte will be very long term projects.

* my own interpretation :)